Love on the Spectrum an Update on the Portrayal of Autism

by Cindy Cody

I was very excited when I opened up my Netflix queue one Friday night and saw a new reality series titled, “Love on the Spectrum”.  As someone who has worked with individuals on the spectrum for the past 16 years, I am always very interested in how characters with ASD are portrayed in both film and television. For people on the spectrum, the representation of ASD fell between Charlie Babbitt in “Rain Man” or Shaun Murphy in“The Good Doctor”. The idea that finally a reality show revolving around the dating between people on the spectrum seemed like an “about time” moment! Looking at this group of society through the universal concept of finding love, this could really shift a wider audience’s perspective on what daily life was genuinely like for everyone involved.

I ended up binge watching the whole series by the next day! I certainly had a lot of thoughts… the first of which was asking myself who is this show intended for? Was it supposed to help people who have no experience with Autism understand the disorder more clearly? With the diagnoses becoming more prevalent over time, added exposure will reduce the stigmas and perhaps shed light on some things. Or is this a show for people on the spectrum so that they can start to see themselves represented not only in fictional characters but in real life as well. The fact is, it really doesn’t matter. Whoever is watching will get something from this show. As I watched, I took it in from several different perspectives.

First, I experienced this show as a cheerleader for finding love.  As far as a dating reality show goes, it was by far the one I have liked the best. I’ve tried watching “the bachelor”, “married at first sight” and a few others in the genre, but I never enjoyed the highly processed and over produced drama that supposedly makes for great television.  I felt that Love on the Spectrum was a funny, respectful and dynamic portrayal of finding love in the modern world with an ASD Diagnoses. The dates were real, and so too seemed the reactions of everyone involved. I was invested in these individuals and rooted for the dates to go well. I also appreciated the help that the cast was getting, whether it was dating advice from parents, Jodi the coach or in the PEERS program. Everyone was genuine and well intentioned. It was also pleasing to see two successful relationships navigate significant times in a relationship like moving in together and a marriage proposal. This provided the show with the full gamut from seeking to finding love.

I also watched the show from the perspective of a coach for parents of children on the spectrum. Most parents I work with state that one of their biggest preoccupations about their child’s future is “will they find love” and “will they have a partner to go through life with”. It’s heartbreaking to think many parents have a bleak outlook in regards to these questions for their children. I love that this show provides 2 different examples of couples that work despite being on the spectrum. Thomas had no problem kissing Ruth even though Ruth needed a snake (that was actually coiled around her glasses) to help her with anxiety. There was also  Sharnae who happily complied with Jimmys need to go buy black socks before they could continue with their date.  The show also gave many examples of successful and non successful dates helping to normalize the bumpy dating road ahead. I appreciated the interviews with the parents as well. The concerns of the parents and the sheer joy and support that these parents convey where part of a complete package for all audiences.

I watched the show additionally as someone personally obsessed with anything anthropological. Here is where I think the show fell a bit short: There was very little diverse representation. Most of the characters are white and most were presented as straight even though there is  emerging evidence that autistic people are significantly more likely than the general population to be gay, bisexual, transgender or otherwise queer. I also felt that they Infantlized the production a bit. The choice of music, the cast members introductions and some interactions felt very child like and strange for a show about dating. I did feel however that the show did demystify the notion that Autistic people are not interested in love or relationships and that they are fine on their own.

Finally I watched the show as a teacher of social integration for young adults with special needs. We watched the series in class as part of our health and sexuality curriculum. The students are all in their 20’s and romantic relationships are a big preoccupation for most of them. They want to know everything and are constantly asking for more material on the subject of relationships and sex. I have some students who are in relationships and others who are keenly aware of their social difficulties and believe such relationships are out of reach. I was curious about their reaction, how would they feel about a show highlighting Autism and dating? These two subjects both fascinated and sometimes elude them. Some of the students could identify with certain participants but all of them agreed that they wanted to include a “how to date” segment to our health class! They were also very interested in creating a speed dating night, once the pandemic was no longer an issue obviously. More than anything, I appreciated having an age appropriate example for them to examine together. My choices in dating shows to use as examples where Degrassi or Love Island and neither fit the bill! When the show was done It was clear that it provoked good conversation conversations, appropriate questions and mirrored to them what some wanted in their lives.

Overall I thought Love on the Spectrum was a funny, respectful and entertaining show. Of course it was not perfect, as the struggles of adding romantic relationships can be hard to capture in just a couple of hours. However, anything that is created respectfully that normalizes ASD can only bring the conversation forward, and in this they succeeded.

About The Author:

Over the last 15 years Cindy Coady has dedicate her professional life to Autism as a Drama therapist, RDI consultant and parent coach. She now works with parents of children with special needs, who want to stop worrying about their child and instead learn a powerful parenting skillset that compassionately guides their child through development.